Tales of the Parodyverse

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Josh Clement
Fri Jan 21, 2005 at 03:18:59 pm EST
Subject
The Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #12 – This Time With Earth's Mightiest Crossover
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Josh Clement, De Brown Streak, gets back to the Lair Mansion after a hard days' secret agitating for mutate rights and spots an unfamiliar aircraft on the Lair Lawn. So he speeds inside to see which supervillains are attacking the team now.

CrazySugarFreakBoy!: "Relax Josh. It's a guest star team up. These guys are the Avengers, from the Marvel Universe."

Triathlon: "Hi."

Hatman: "You might want to put Triathlon down now, Streak."

DBS: "Ah. Right. Sorry about that."

Triathlon: "Hah. I could have so triple-kicked your butt with my triple-speed."

DBS: "Okay sure. Now excuse me. I see the Avengers have female members."

Triathlon: "I mean it. Triple reflexes and everything. I could kick Captain America's butt too."

DBS: "Okay. Hey, lady with the big W on her front. Nice outfit."

Wasp: "Thanks. I designed it myself. I design superhero costumes all the time."

DBS: "Say, maybe I could get a makeover? I have some fabrics up in my room I think."

Wasp: "I designed that costume over there for my hubby Hank, for example."

De Brown Streak gets a double sinking feeling. Not only is the Wasp married but Giant-Man's outfit appears to have a cut out portion to show his belly. "Maybe later then, after the um… the emergency."

Captain America: "There's an emergency? What emergency?" Instantly he is alert and combat ready.

DBS: "Well, there's bound to be one, isn't there? I mean it'd be a really lame crossover without some world class villain attacking or something."

Hatman: "That is actually a very good point. Just let me check the situation boards."

DBS: "Oh, and by the way Cap, Triathlon says he can triple-kick your butt too."

Triathlon chokes on his mint julep.

Meanwhile, Josh goes in for a second run. "Hi. I'm Josh from the Parodyverse. And you are…?"

Warbird: "I'm a top professional superhero and not a slab of meat in some seedy exploitative knockoff dimension."

DBS: "And your power is to harness the PMS force or what?"

Warbird: "I could rip your head off right now, you know."

DBS: "You can't blame a guy for trying. I mean, your side's already one up. You'll notice that Dancer and Iron Man are mysteriously missing from the team-up."

Trickshot: "Aw, ya just don't know how to talk ta dames, Streaky. Watch me go score with that big pumped up green Caphan slave girl they got with them.

Imagine the sound effect of an archer being pummelled through a wall by the She-Hulk.

"Okay," De Brown Streak says to himself, "I'll maybe leave that one until after I talk to the babe in the scarlet bodystocking without any underwear lines."

Quicksilver: "Are you looking at my sister Wanda?"

DBS: "Is it true that when she's drawn by George Perez she never wears panties? Is that a gypsy thing?"

Quicksilver: "It is a matter of personal choice. And it is very liberating. Er, so I am told." He scowls. "You are the so-called speedster of this miserable team, yes? Do you have access to the speed force?"

DBS: "I've got the Playboy channel. Does that count?"

Quicksilver: "We shall race to prove once and for all who is the fastest man alive."

DBS: "Well, you can if you want. I was thinking of seeing if your hot sister wanted a drink."

Quicksilver: "Do not trifle with me. I am the son of Magneto."

DBS: "Does he wear panties?"

Quicksilver: I warn you, human, do not tempt the wrath of a mutant."

DBS: "Hey, as it happens I am human, and also happen to be a mutate. Don't be so damn racist."

Quicksilver: "Racist? Me? No, I am oppressed, hounded and hunted by the world that hates me."

DBS: "Have you ever considered that might just be personal? I mean maybe you’re just really irritating and it's nothing to do with the mutant stuff. Just saying."

Quicksilver gets angrier. "You will race me, speedster, and I shall run you into the ground."
DBS: "What's the point?" He sighs. "Okay, tell you what. First one to get to France, bag a couple of mademoiselles, then back here with some perfume for your sister, okay?"

Quicksilver: "What? I can't just…"

DBS: "Hey, tell 'em about the no underwear thing. It’s your best chance."

Quicksilver: "I mean that's not a real race. Besides, I am married."

DBS: "Congratulations, man. Just shows there's someone for everyone. So where is the little lady?" Josh frowns. "Um, it's not the woman with the cow's head and the huge udders stroking Rabito is it?"

Quicksilver: "No. That is my nanny, Bova. You don't want to know about our early weaning as children. Crystal is the beautiful redhead standing over there in the corner talking to the Black Kni… Excuse me!" * Vanishes *

DBS: "So, Scarlet Witch, hi. I was just discussing your lack of underwear with your brother…"

Wanda glares at him.

DBS: "Er, now would be an ideal time for a joint supervillain attack. Please?"

And far away, in bleak Herringcarp Asylum…

The Hooded Hood: "I imagine the heroes will be starting to worry about the coming attack about now. More tea?"

Doctor Victor von Doom: "I don't mind if I do."

Continued (by somebody)



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